Thursday, September 4, 2008
A Bad Hair Day
Since I'm only on my first kid and she's only 18 months old I'm still pretty much grappling in the dark on a lot of things. She's at that age where she cries if I leave the room, but then doesn't want to come home when I go to pick her up from the babysitter (uugghh...knife to the heart!). I just had one of those days where I feel like I'm really not sure I doing that great of a job balancing my responsibilities. I felt like a dog chasing her tail all day, accomplishing nothing at work. I've taken on this huge new job that has me working more hours; which means time away from Cassie? On the one hand it's the opportunity of a lifetime to do something meaningful that is a deep expression of my beliefs, but what about Cassie? I know staying at home isn't what makes you a good mom, but sometimes I think about all the time I'm away from her and it feels like a big rock in my stomach. I could really benefit from some perspective from some moms with a little more time in the trenches...that and a good cry. So I've got the crying covered...anyone?
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3 comments:
A comment from ljsmith77:
I don't have much more time in the trenches than you, but I just recently went through what you are talking about. It isn't about you, your work schedule, or that she likes the babysitter better - it is just her age. I would like to tell you that it will get better soon, but I am still going through it and it has escalated a little bit since the second birthday. I know he is trying to assert his new found talents and testosterone (which you shouldn't have to worry about that latter), but it is hard when you feel like you have exhausted every outlet. You have to tap your creative outlet and make the MOST out of the time you have.
Also, don't forget that Cassie has had a lot change in her life lately. She is trying to figure out her "new" world again. Remember what it was like when you brought her home from the hospital? She might be having difficulty adjusting to your new schedule and her new house. You might have to create a "new" schedule for her. Parenting...what an adventure!
A comment from pemom:
There are lots of working moms that feel the same way. There is no magic way to make the guilt completely go away. But consider this...when Cassie is old enough to understand what you do and why you do it she'll be proud of you especially since you get to do a job that is a reflection of your beliefs. A lot of girls have moms with "meaningless" ( sorry bad choice of words, but I just went back to work and i'm a little sleep deprived) jobs and they follow their paths. Cassie will know it is possible to have a career and be a good mom, because even though you have your doubts you are a good mom! There is no magic balance of work and home for the working mom, life is short and precious when you have kids sometimes you just have to enjoy the ride even when it's that roller coaster that scares the bejesus out of you. A good cry always helps on some days too!
Sorry for the late post but I just had to because I know exactly what you are talking about. My son is only 13 months so I don't have a lot of experience but I do know that the fact that your are wanting to do more is a sign of a good mother and I know that you know deep in your heart that you are a great one. I work 7am to 5pm and pick up my son at 5:30 from the daycare then get home by 6m and it is hard. However, when I am with him it is all about him 99% of the time given special circumstances. Yes my house is not as emaculate as it use to be, there is laundry to do, my husband doesn't always get a home cooked meal (lucky for me he feels the same way I do so we both play with him), and I sleep later because I do most of what I need to do around the house and with my husband (catch up)after the baby goes to sleep at 8pm. I only get a short amount of time with my baby between playing, feeding him, and bathing him so I make it the best time as much as I can. There is no magic fomula or balance, you just do what works for your family and yourself and yes sometimes you just feel bad. We all do it every now and then hope this helped. Sandy B.
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