Tuesday, December 2, 2008
An Advent Reality Check
Check out the video about the true meaning of advent at www.adventconspiracy.org
An Inspirational Story
(I don't know if this is truth or fiction, but either way it is a good daily reflection.)
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi."
He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.
My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?' Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.' Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room.
"Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo."
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed.
As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man. Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine.
He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."
Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone.
He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."
I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.' I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, 'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?' when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter ... , we must become as little children."
Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi."
He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.
My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?' Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.' Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room.
"Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo."
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed.
As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man. Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine.
He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."
Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone.
He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."
I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.' I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, 'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?' when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter ... , we must become as little children."
Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A Tasty Recipe
If you're anything like me, figuring out what to make for dinner some nights is more difficult than 24 hours of labor followed by a c-section. I recently found a new recipe that fit my three criteria:
1) the whole family likes it,
2) it's healthy, and
3) I have everything I need already in the house
This recipe hit all three - home run!
Chicken & Zucchini Risotto Skillet
3 boneless chicken breasts, halved
salt & pepper
1 T olive oil
1/2 medium onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1 lemon, zested
2 cups milk
1 can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 large zucchini (or 2 cups of any veggie you like asparagus, green beans, etc.)
2 cups of instant long grain rice*
Season chicken with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add seasoned chicken and then cook for 5-7 minutes on each side or until chicken is no longer pink. Remove chicken from pan; keep warm. Add onion and garlic to pan and saute just to soften. Then add milk, soup, zucchini, cheese, lemon zest. Bring to boil and reduce heat. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Simmer 3 minutes. Stir in rice and then top with cooked chicken halves. Cover pan and remove from heat. Let stand for 5 minutes.
*I don't usually have this in the house, but I did have orzo pasta which worked great! I decreased the amount fof orzo from 2 cups to 1 cup and let it simmer on low heat (covered) until pasta was fully cooked. That took about 10 minutes.
1) the whole family likes it,
2) it's healthy, and
3) I have everything I need already in the house
This recipe hit all three - home run!
Chicken & Zucchini Risotto Skillet
3 boneless chicken breasts, halved
salt & pepper
1 T olive oil
1/2 medium onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1 lemon, zested
2 cups milk
1 can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 large zucchini (or 2 cups of any veggie you like asparagus, green beans, etc.)
2 cups of instant long grain rice*
Season chicken with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add seasoned chicken and then cook for 5-7 minutes on each side or until chicken is no longer pink. Remove chicken from pan; keep warm. Add onion and garlic to pan and saute just to soften. Then add milk, soup, zucchini, cheese, lemon zest. Bring to boil and reduce heat. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Simmer 3 minutes. Stir in rice and then top with cooked chicken halves. Cover pan and remove from heat. Let stand for 5 minutes.
*I don't usually have this in the house, but I did have orzo pasta which worked great! I decreased the amount fof orzo from 2 cups to 1 cup and let it simmer on low heat (covered) until pasta was fully cooked. That took about 10 minutes.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
A Bad Hair Day
Since I'm only on my first kid and she's only 18 months old I'm still pretty much grappling in the dark on a lot of things. She's at that age where she cries if I leave the room, but then doesn't want to come home when I go to pick her up from the babysitter (uugghh...knife to the heart!). I just had one of those days where I feel like I'm really not sure I doing that great of a job balancing my responsibilities. I felt like a dog chasing her tail all day, accomplishing nothing at work. I've taken on this huge new job that has me working more hours; which means time away from Cassie? On the one hand it's the opportunity of a lifetime to do something meaningful that is a deep expression of my beliefs, but what about Cassie? I know staying at home isn't what makes you a good mom, but sometimes I think about all the time I'm away from her and it feels like a big rock in my stomach. I could really benefit from some perspective from some moms with a little more time in the trenches...that and a good cry. So I've got the crying covered...anyone?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Conference Call - Fantasy Weekend
For those of you interested in helping to plan the Mom's Retreat (see June 15, 2008 blog titled "Fantasy Weekend"), a conference call has been scheduled for Wed., Sept. 10th at 9:00pm. If you'd like to join us, please call into the following number:
1-888-617-3400
When prompted, dial passcode: 1005278# (Be sure to include the # when entering the passcode).
1-888-617-3400
When prompted, dial passcode: 1005278# (Be sure to include the # when entering the passcode).
About Breast Cancer
My good friend, Katherine, whose mother died of breat cancer at a young age sent this to me. It is worth watching. Sometimes I get scared by these sorts of reports, but I found this one empowering. Please watch the video link about Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC)below:
http://komonews.s3.amazonaws.com/ibc/komo_ibc.wmv
http://komonews.s3.amazonaws.com/ibc/komo_ibc.wmv
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Creative Parenting
For about 10 seconds I actually thought about it...okay, maybe 30 seconds!
P.S. This is not Cassie!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
When 17 Months is the New 2
Okay, this is a cry for help...my child has been possessed by a demon. My once beautiful, smart, sweet little girl has episodes of the following:
1) She arches her back, kicks her feet when I try to put her in her carseat
2) She runs the opposite direction when I call her to come
3) She flops herself on the ground and throws a fit when I try to pick her up
4) She screams, cries, and whines
5) She tells me "no" and then smirks at me
Have any of you seen these symptoms exhibited in your children? From what I've heard, the screaming and whining might be a characterisitcs that typically manifest themselves in little girls. These episodes are sporadic and seem to be brought on by fatigue, but can happen at anytime without warning. They also seem to be especially pronounced in public. Help!
-Frazzled Mother
1) She arches her back, kicks her feet when I try to put her in her carseat
2) She runs the opposite direction when I call her to come
3) She flops herself on the ground and throws a fit when I try to pick her up
4) She screams, cries, and whines
5) She tells me "no" and then smirks at me
Have any of you seen these symptoms exhibited in your children? From what I've heard, the screaming and whining might be a characterisitcs that typically manifest themselves in little girls. These episodes are sporadic and seem to be brought on by fatigue, but can happen at anytime without warning. They also seem to be especially pronounced in public. Help!
-Frazzled Mother
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Radio Head
Do you know how sometimes you hear something and you couldn't have said it better yourself. After a month of packing, moving, Alaska and remodeling, I can't remember the last time Cassie saw a vegetable - that is unless french fries count as vegetables. Organic...what's that?
This report called "Nuggets" is definitely worth a good laugh: http://podcastdownload.npr.org/anon.npr-podcasts/podcast/145/510130/93015063/KPCC_93015063.mp3
I love it when moms tell the truth!!! Enjoy.
This report called "Nuggets" is definitely worth a good laugh: http://podcastdownload.npr.org/anon.npr-podcasts/podcast/145/510130/93015063/KPCC_93015063.mp3
I love it when moms tell the truth!!! Enjoy.
Monday, July 28, 2008
the baby goes to kindergarten
Auden's first day of kindergarten is tomorrow. So far it looks muddy to me. First, his teacher is in retirement mode and working a 110 contract. This means she isn't starting the school year with the kiddos. She isn't allowed to work in July on this contract, but 110 calendar days... Second, she's a tough teacher, has high expectations, and picky, picky, PICKY. Third, I'm still not sure he's ready. And last but not least, I'm not ready... This is it. The end. Someone else out there has the potential to influence him more than me. And I don't like this teacher. I don't want her to be the one that tears down his imagination, dashes his hopes, or turn him into a bitter, hopeless little boy! I don't want anyone to do that to him. I want him to stay sweet and innocent forever....
Monday, June 16, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Fantasy Weekend
Okay, so I've been dealing with a lot of change in my life lately and it has made me feel very lonely at times. I have found myself really missing my close girlfriends - the ones that I can tell all the screwed up thoughts about myself to without worrying what they're going to think about me. It got me thinking about how hard it is to find time to nurture the relationships with other women that I treasure and how much I really need that nourishment for my soul. I can't lie...what really started me thinking about this was the drink I was going to make myself once Cassie was asleep later that night. This of course, got me fantasizing about those weekends in college where you could go out with your girlfriends and drink yourself silly without having to wait until the baby is in bed or care about the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Keep in mind, this was all happening as I sat in rush hour traffic on Friday afternoon with Cassie passed out in her car seat - just to set the scene. Yes, I was paying attention to the road. I'm a woman; I multi-task!
Anyway, I digress. So I started calling a few of my girlfriends in an effort to talk some of this over before I burst into tears on the 91 freeway. Unfortunately, none of them answered their phones...which got me thinking...their lives are as crazy as mine and maybe I wasn't totally alone in my misery. I'd like to say that this made me feel better, but it didn't. However, about 20 minutes down the road (by the way, this is about 7 miles in 91 freeway time), when the self-pity and self-loathing started to retreat, I got an idea. What if we had a reason to get together once a year for something that was affordable and meaningful enough that we would leave our kids, spouse, and take a day off of work if necessary to nourish our souls?
This got me excited because my next thought was about my bachelorette party. No, we're not back to the drinking again. Unlike many bachelorette parties, my sisters planned the perfect girls getaway with plenty of time for talking and catching up with friends while still making room for some pampering. That weekend was one of those special moments in time that I hold on to because I knew it was one of those moments that couldn't be repeated. It was at this great location on the central coast of California called Sycamore Springs http://www.sycamoresprings.com/. A few of you will remember this place. The area is near the beach, wine tasting, has spa and mineral springs facilities, paths for hiking, affordable lodging, good food...what else needs to be said after wine and food??
So now for the idea - A Women's Retreat Weekend. There would be a loose itinerary allowing time for sleeping-in, reading, catching up with old friends, and making new ones, but would also have opportunities to feed the body, mind and spirit. We wouldn't bring in outsiders to facilitate it; it would be facilitated by the women in attendance. Each woman could participate in as little or as much as she wanted.
Here are some ideas to give you a better picture of what I'm thinking about: yoga session(s), book review, cooking class, arts & crafts (although this would not be a sales opportunity for scrapbooking or stamping), meditation, etc. All this would be coordinated by one or more of the women attending the weekend. There could also be time for things such as spa treatments, wine tasting, and exploring the area. There would also be sometime each day where we would all come together, connect and share.
So I haven't worked out any details beyond this, but does this interest anyone? I'd love to attend something like this, and I'm willing to take the lead, but I would need a commitment from other women to help make the weekend happen - an event committee so to speak.
Post your thoughts and if there's enough interest, perhaps we can work for something next year.
Anyway, I digress. So I started calling a few of my girlfriends in an effort to talk some of this over before I burst into tears on the 91 freeway. Unfortunately, none of them answered their phones...which got me thinking...their lives are as crazy as mine and maybe I wasn't totally alone in my misery. I'd like to say that this made me feel better, but it didn't. However, about 20 minutes down the road (by the way, this is about 7 miles in 91 freeway time), when the self-pity and self-loathing started to retreat, I got an idea. What if we had a reason to get together once a year for something that was affordable and meaningful enough that we would leave our kids, spouse, and take a day off of work if necessary to nourish our souls?
This got me excited because my next thought was about my bachelorette party. No, we're not back to the drinking again. Unlike many bachelorette parties, my sisters planned the perfect girls getaway with plenty of time for talking and catching up with friends while still making room for some pampering. That weekend was one of those special moments in time that I hold on to because I knew it was one of those moments that couldn't be repeated. It was at this great location on the central coast of California called Sycamore Springs http://www.sycamoresprings.com/. A few of you will remember this place. The area is near the beach, wine tasting, has spa and mineral springs facilities, paths for hiking, affordable lodging, good food...what else needs to be said after wine and food??
So now for the idea - A Women's Retreat Weekend. There would be a loose itinerary allowing time for sleeping-in, reading, catching up with old friends, and making new ones, but would also have opportunities to feed the body, mind and spirit. We wouldn't bring in outsiders to facilitate it; it would be facilitated by the women in attendance. Each woman could participate in as little or as much as she wanted.
Here are some ideas to give you a better picture of what I'm thinking about: yoga session(s), book review, cooking class, arts & crafts (although this would not be a sales opportunity for scrapbooking or stamping), meditation, etc. All this would be coordinated by one or more of the women attending the weekend. There could also be time for things such as spa treatments, wine tasting, and exploring the area. There would also be sometime each day where we would all come together, connect and share.
So I haven't worked out any details beyond this, but does this interest anyone? I'd love to attend something like this, and I'm willing to take the lead, but I would need a commitment from other women to help make the weekend happen - an event committee so to speak.
Post your thoughts and if there's enough interest, perhaps we can work for something next year.
If You Give a Mommy a Muffin
Just a little something we can all relate to!!
If you give a Mom a muffin...
She'll want a strong cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll make herself some.
Her three year old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the box of Goodwill items.
Bumping into the Goodwill items will remind her she has to get these boxes in the car and out of her basement.
When she puts the boxes in the car, she'll find a bag of groceries and this will remind her she has to cook dinner.
She will get out the chicken defrosting in the fridge.
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Do With Chicken).
The cookbook will be sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the Netflix movie she's meant to mail and the preschool bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook will be in her purse that is being dumped out by her one year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the baby's diaper.
As she finishes up, she'll realize she brought the hand sanitizer down to the kitchen.
While she is throwing away the diaper and searching for the hand sanitizer, the phone will ring.
Her three year old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend not for coffee but a very strong drink.
Thinking of drinking will remind her that she was going to have a cup of coffee in order to stay awake for the rest of the day.
And chances are...
If she finds her cup of coffee (which she has to reheat by now), her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Happy Mother's Day...Belated!
As I was thinking about Mother's Day this last week and weekend I thought, "Well, darn it, your blog is for mothers you've got to write something in honor of Mother's Day!" As I shifted through a lot of bad ideas, I started thinking about my friend Imelda who became the mother of twin girls 8 months ago.
A couple of weekends ago, Scott, Cassie and I drove up to San Gabriel to visit Imelda, Turhan and their two little girls Camilla and Maya. I had met Camilla before, but hadn't had the chance to meet Maya because she had been in the hospital for some time after her birth. Watching Imelda with her girls really touched and inspired me. She tended to an average 8 month old, Camilla, while nuturing tiny little Maya, no bigger than a 4 month old, as she grows bigger and stronger. Imelda went from one task to another, juggling the needs of each one with such grace and confidence...like an old pro. There have been so many times when I have been overwhelmed by the needs of my one little Cassie that watching her left me in awe.
Now I'm sure that when Imelda reads this that she will probably laugh her head-off thinking I must have been smoking something really good that day. Both Scott and Turhan were there and I'm sure wouldn't have any clue about what I'm writing about. Cassie was getting into everything, climbing all over the house and putting every electrical cord in her mouth, Camilla was hungry and letting us know about it, Maya was checking us out as we were all trying to catch up on the last year of our lives. In the midst of it all, Imelda excitedly celebrated Maya 's first cooing sounds. Imelda had the whole scene under control and was still able to keep up a coherent conversation.
Experiencing my second Mother's Day is much different than experiencing my first. I am so much more aware of what it means to be a mother. The last 14 months of my life have created a confidence in me that I wasn't aware I possessed. It's also drawn out my weaknesses, but that seems okay when I put them up against what I've learned about myself since last Mother's Day. Mainly that, I can do it! I can really do this mom thing and be good at it...I can ask for help and not be weak...I can be silly in front of strangers and not care what they think about me...I can love myself with the same tenderness that my daugther loves me...I can appreciate the deep and tender love that my own mother has given me all these years...I can see the competence in another mom and give myself credit for the same. Watching Imelda, I realized that no one but a mom understands the heart of another mother - the sweat, the tears, the doubt, the heartbreaking love, the joy, the strength. Even the most dedicated, involved and loving father can't understand what we mother's appreciate about each other. There is something about being the protectress of the family that binds us together.
I am blessed to know many wonderful mothers and I honor each of you. You inspire me on my own motherhood journey. Thank you for that gift! Happy Mother's Day!
A couple of weekends ago, Scott, Cassie and I drove up to San Gabriel to visit Imelda, Turhan and their two little girls Camilla and Maya. I had met Camilla before, but hadn't had the chance to meet Maya because she had been in the hospital for some time after her birth. Watching Imelda with her girls really touched and inspired me. She tended to an average 8 month old, Camilla, while nuturing tiny little Maya, no bigger than a 4 month old, as she grows bigger and stronger. Imelda went from one task to another, juggling the needs of each one with such grace and confidence...like an old pro. There have been so many times when I have been overwhelmed by the needs of my one little Cassie that watching her left me in awe.
Now I'm sure that when Imelda reads this that she will probably laugh her head-off thinking I must have been smoking something really good that day. Both Scott and Turhan were there and I'm sure wouldn't have any clue about what I'm writing about. Cassie was getting into everything, climbing all over the house and putting every electrical cord in her mouth, Camilla was hungry and letting us know about it, Maya was checking us out as we were all trying to catch up on the last year of our lives. In the midst of it all, Imelda excitedly celebrated Maya 's first cooing sounds. Imelda had the whole scene under control and was still able to keep up a coherent conversation.
Experiencing my second Mother's Day is much different than experiencing my first. I am so much more aware of what it means to be a mother. The last 14 months of my life have created a confidence in me that I wasn't aware I possessed. It's also drawn out my weaknesses, but that seems okay when I put them up against what I've learned about myself since last Mother's Day. Mainly that, I can do it! I can really do this mom thing and be good at it...I can ask for help and not be weak...I can be silly in front of strangers and not care what they think about me...I can love myself with the same tenderness that my daugther loves me...I can appreciate the deep and tender love that my own mother has given me all these years...I can see the competence in another mom and give myself credit for the same. Watching Imelda, I realized that no one but a mom understands the heart of another mother - the sweat, the tears, the doubt, the heartbreaking love, the joy, the strength. Even the most dedicated, involved and loving father can't understand what we mother's appreciate about each other. There is something about being the protectress of the family that binds us together.
I am blessed to know many wonderful mothers and I honor each of you. You inspire me on my own motherhood journey. Thank you for that gift! Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Acid Reflux
You can certainly tell from the lack of entries as of late that life has been a little more chaotic than usual. First it was Cassie's 1st birthday, then Easter, then...yada, yada, yada. I'm in totally uncharter waters is just about every aspect of my life right now and so I've clammed up. I've been hiding. You know that feeling of "if I say anything I'll jinx it". That about sums it up with a some self-doubt and anxiety thrown into it. I'm living on Zantac these days.
Okay, so what's going on? I've been offered a promotion at work and I want to take it. I'm wrestling with how I'm going to maintain the delicate balance I've created (and when I say delicate I mean fragile) with being wife, mom, and professional woman. I've been really proud of myself this past year in how I've felt at the end of each day - tired yes, but fulfilled more days than not. Cassie's thrived and Scott and I have grown closer to each other through our love for her. I'm afraid to mess it all up. Scott is supportive and encouraging even though it means a lot of upheaval for him. It makes me fell like a little girl inside not the competent and compassionate woman that I've become over the past 32 years. I'm afraid I'll fail, that people will see the scared little girl...and then what will I do.
And so the heartburn has started. It's not quite to the same level as when Scott quit his job at Norte Vista right after we got married or when I was pregnant for that matter. But it's there as a reminder that I'm worried. As I'm writing this, I'm aware that I am achieving a goal I didn't allow myself to say out loud for so many years. And I'm crossing a threshold into a world where I don't have a lot of mentors. It's probably the first time in my life where I feel like I can't look at my mom for an example of what to do, how to be. Honestly, I think I'm also feeling selfish for wanting this for myself, and for wanting it my way. I've actually heard myself say (you know in one of those internal conversations), "Who are you to ask for this? You'll never get it...you want too much." I'm afraid that if I ask for what I want that I won't get it and then I'll lose the opportunity all together.
You know, I'm really good at what I do. My greatest strength is helping others to see their own strengths and inspiring them to direct it to a common vision. If only I could apply that principle too myself. I'm on the ride but I'm white knuckling it - I'm not enjoying it. And God, I want to enjoy it! For the first time in my life, I'm grappling with what it means to be a woman as a wife and mother and as myself. I'll keep you posted on how it's going...to be continued.
Okay, so what's going on? I've been offered a promotion at work and I want to take it. I'm wrestling with how I'm going to maintain the delicate balance I've created (and when I say delicate I mean fragile) with being wife, mom, and professional woman. I've been really proud of myself this past year in how I've felt at the end of each day - tired yes, but fulfilled more days than not. Cassie's thrived and Scott and I have grown closer to each other through our love for her. I'm afraid to mess it all up. Scott is supportive and encouraging even though it means a lot of upheaval for him. It makes me fell like a little girl inside not the competent and compassionate woman that I've become over the past 32 years. I'm afraid I'll fail, that people will see the scared little girl...and then what will I do.
And so the heartburn has started. It's not quite to the same level as when Scott quit his job at Norte Vista right after we got married or when I was pregnant for that matter. But it's there as a reminder that I'm worried. As I'm writing this, I'm aware that I am achieving a goal I didn't allow myself to say out loud for so many years. And I'm crossing a threshold into a world where I don't have a lot of mentors. It's probably the first time in my life where I feel like I can't look at my mom for an example of what to do, how to be. Honestly, I think I'm also feeling selfish for wanting this for myself, and for wanting it my way. I've actually heard myself say (you know in one of those internal conversations), "Who are you to ask for this? You'll never get it...you want too much." I'm afraid that if I ask for what I want that I won't get it and then I'll lose the opportunity all together.
You know, I'm really good at what I do. My greatest strength is helping others to see their own strengths and inspiring them to direct it to a common vision. If only I could apply that principle too myself. I'm on the ride but I'm white knuckling it - I'm not enjoying it. And God, I want to enjoy it! For the first time in my life, I'm grappling with what it means to be a woman as a wife and mother and as myself. I'll keep you posted on how it's going...to be continued.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Childhood revisited
Here I go again... Colette (8 1/2 yo) has been coming home for the past few weeks (Wednesdays thru Fridays) "sharing" about friends. Their treating each other badly, poorly, disrespectfully, you pick the adjective. It only seems to come up the end of the school week. Obviously temperments have come to the lower thresholds... Anyway, I've been playing devil's advocate and trying to get her to see the other side without sharing too much of what I do know about the kids' home life. But the last two days I just have gotten frustrated and asking myself, "Why can't she see they're being so mean? Why can't she stand up for herself? What is so attractive about these girls that she needs them? Why is she still hanging out with them?" I see my childhood all over again through these talks Colette and I are sharing. Don't misunderstand - I am SO glad she's talking to me.
This morning before the bus pick up she's sharing again (timing isn't her thing just yet) about yesterday at recess. It was a Thursday so the girls fell into the trend they had set. To make the situation even worse they're all signed up for the talent show together. I asked her to drop out of the talent show. Yes, that's avoidance. But does she really need this nonsense in her life?! She looked disappointed - of course - so I said, "I want you to surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you," and used Rich and myself as examples I believed she could relate to. I first used my treasurer position in PTO. I don't hang out with the other board members. They're great volunteers but - well, let's leave it at that. I don't teach in the building I retired from because the principal and I didn't see issues the same way regarding best practices and such. I shared that Rich surrounds himself with employees that work well together and have their eye on the same prize. But I still hadn't made my point because she still "needed" those girls! So I came up with - "Colette, you are CEO and president of Colette Terese Martinez Inc. " She smiled. She liked that so I kept going. "You need to hire people that make you feel good and make you shine. Who are you going to hire?" She stopped to think and looked lost. So I offered "applicants". Some people she answered yes to with immediancy and others she gave a maybe or a no. This was working! The girls we were just talking about were maybe's or no's.
I was suddenly reminded of a time I was 7 and there was a new girl in the class. She had what we all thought was a rabbit fur coat and thought she was soooooo cool. One day she talked me into going home with her and I did. I didn't call home and came home waaaaay later than school let out. My mother, of course, was in a panic and I was grounded for a period of time, but I still liked that girl and would fall in line with ideas she had - we were in girl scouts together, talent show, slumber parties... I shared the playdate story with Colette. Her eyes got really big, "You did?!" I admitted it along with other ideas Lara came up with at slumber parties. "Should I have hired her, Colette?" "No, Mom. Grammie must have been really worried." I think I made my point.
Lesson = perhaps we shouldn't "curse" our children by saying we hope the have kids just like them when we're mad, frustrated, put out, pick the adjective.
This morning before the bus pick up she's sharing again (timing isn't her thing just yet) about yesterday at recess. It was a Thursday so the girls fell into the trend they had set. To make the situation even worse they're all signed up for the talent show together. I asked her to drop out of the talent show. Yes, that's avoidance. But does she really need this nonsense in her life?! She looked disappointed - of course - so I said, "I want you to surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you," and used Rich and myself as examples I believed she could relate to. I first used my treasurer position in PTO. I don't hang out with the other board members. They're great volunteers but - well, let's leave it at that. I don't teach in the building I retired from because the principal and I didn't see issues the same way regarding best practices and such. I shared that Rich surrounds himself with employees that work well together and have their eye on the same prize. But I still hadn't made my point because she still "needed" those girls! So I came up with - "Colette, you are CEO and president of Colette Terese Martinez Inc. " She smiled. She liked that so I kept going. "You need to hire people that make you feel good and make you shine. Who are you going to hire?" She stopped to think and looked lost. So I offered "applicants". Some people she answered yes to with immediancy and others she gave a maybe or a no. This was working! The girls we were just talking about were maybe's or no's.
I was suddenly reminded of a time I was 7 and there was a new girl in the class. She had what we all thought was a rabbit fur coat and thought she was soooooo cool. One day she talked me into going home with her and I did. I didn't call home and came home waaaaay later than school let out. My mother, of course, was in a panic and I was grounded for a period of time, but I still liked that girl and would fall in line with ideas she had - we were in girl scouts together, talent show, slumber parties... I shared the playdate story with Colette. Her eyes got really big, "You did?!" I admitted it along with other ideas Lara came up with at slumber parties. "Should I have hired her, Colette?" "No, Mom. Grammie must have been really worried." I think I made my point.
Lesson = perhaps we shouldn't "curse" our children by saying we hope the have kids just like them when we're mad, frustrated, put out, pick the adjective.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
It's Hard Not to Think that Parents Don't Care Anymore
Scott and I were at this Catholic conference this weekend. I know that sounds like a real snore, but it really wasn't. We've been to this thing before and this was the first time as parents which meant we were signed up for all the parenting focused workshops. It was actually really wonderful to do something like that together (i.e. working on being better parents together). Anyhow, one of the speakers, Dr. David Walsh, a psychologist who specializes in child and teen development and how the media plays a role in it, was especially great. He recently wrote a book called No. Why Kids-of All Ages-Need It and Ways Parents Can Say It. (http://www.mediafamily.org/store/no.shtml) that talks about the link between school/career success and self discipline...which or course we learn from how we are raised. I think I've had this attitude that some parents just don't care about teaching their children manners or appropriate behavior (and I know that some of them don't), but I came to the realization that parents are so darn scared of messing up that they don't do anything. I have a greater appreciation for how much effort and dedication it takes to be a vigilant parent about these sorts of things. Which, of course, is no excuse for those moms sitting around allowing their children to treat others with disrespect. God, help us!!
Anyway, I don't know what to say to make it better, Staci, except that you are an amazing mom raising the type of children who are going to grow up and make the world a different and better place for the next generation. You know, you've got to feel sorry for those other children whose parents think that discipline and consideration towards others aren't important enough to teach them - like good character just develops in a person like magic.
So I just wanted to say...vent all you want! You're doing a great job mom!
Anyway, I don't know what to say to make it better, Staci, except that you are an amazing mom raising the type of children who are going to grow up and make the world a different and better place for the next generation. You know, you've got to feel sorry for those other children whose parents think that discipline and consideration towards others aren't important enough to teach them - like good character just develops in a person like magic.
So I just wanted to say...vent all you want! You're doing a great job mom!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Normal?!
So I thought I'd treat Auden to lunch out after story time and before preschool. Not a lot of time in between but I forgot to pack a lunch. So we head to Mickey D's. They have a play place too. So we order the happy meal with dippers and milk and a yogurt parfait and sit to begin lunch that gets many play breaks. Auden takes two bites and runs off, comes back, takes two more bites, and runs off again. Indigestion waiting to happen in my world but not his until he hits thirty or so.
I look up to see what he's up to only to find another kid pushing a hitting him. Auden doesn't want to take the abuse but knows how I am about him returning "eye for an eye" maneuvers. I politely tell the mother of the little girl - yep a girl - that her daughter is abusing my son. She heads straight for her kiddo to put a stop to it. Yea!
But wait not five minutes later she's doing it again pushing Auden down and getting her littler brother in on the action too. So now I'm up in the play place telling them to keep their hands to themselves. Auden comes down for two bites and all is well until a slew of new arrivals run in screaming at the top of their lungs.
Why is screaming okay? I get it if you're outside but we're not in this situation. This was the original question or thought for me, but then some of the new arrivals started pushing Auden around and throwing him into the poles. The other moms just watched! Is that because it wasn't their kid getting pushed around or is this normal?! I'm a bit outraged and because I don't which monster belongs to which oblivious woman, I step in - literally - between two kids and Auden. I explain that there is no need to touch anybody and asked if he'd like it if Auden was doing the pushing to him. The kid stood there and blew spit bubbles at me! Why are these behaviors okay? I tell you, I think it just makes it harder to parent. I'm so disappointed in the mothers that were there today and hope I set a better example without a "holier than thou" attitude.
Just needed to vent and knew this was the place.
I look up to see what he's up to only to find another kid pushing a hitting him. Auden doesn't want to take the abuse but knows how I am about him returning "eye for an eye" maneuvers. I politely tell the mother of the little girl - yep a girl - that her daughter is abusing my son. She heads straight for her kiddo to put a stop to it. Yea!
But wait not five minutes later she's doing it again pushing Auden down and getting her littler brother in on the action too. So now I'm up in the play place telling them to keep their hands to themselves. Auden comes down for two bites and all is well until a slew of new arrivals run in screaming at the top of their lungs.
Why is screaming okay? I get it if you're outside but we're not in this situation. This was the original question or thought for me, but then some of the new arrivals started pushing Auden around and throwing him into the poles. The other moms just watched! Is that because it wasn't their kid getting pushed around or is this normal?! I'm a bit outraged and because I don't which monster belongs to which oblivious woman, I step in - literally - between two kids and Auden. I explain that there is no need to touch anybody and asked if he'd like it if Auden was doing the pushing to him. The kid stood there and blew spit bubbles at me! Why are these behaviors okay? I tell you, I think it just makes it harder to parent. I'm so disappointed in the mothers that were there today and hope I set a better example without a "holier than thou" attitude.
Just needed to vent and knew this was the place.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
When my friend Jenny sent me this email, I couldn't help but laugh (and then asked her if I could post it on the blog)!
Okay, well last night Teagan decided she did not want bangs anymore so instead of telling someone, she took matters (or rather scissors) into her own hands. The bangs are gonzo....nothing to hide that extra large cranium she has. She also took about 3 inches of hair off of the right side of her head (yes, only the right side) so that the hair on that side just barely brushes the bottom of her right ear lobe. Needless to say, the rest of the hair was 'trimmed' (to put it nicely...not so nicely would be chopped) to make the hair fall evenly around the rest of her head. Yay for my team. I imagine I will be spending some time in a Beauty Salon this weekend trying to make her look less friar-like.
I was warned
Did you ever have a day that God warned you not to get up out of bed? Today would be mine... The 50 lb. puppy jumped on my face to let me know it was time to play at 4:43 a.m. Colette let me know I'm behind in laundry and she'll have to wear her sweat pants instead of jeans. Rich needs shirts taken to the cleaners so he has something to wear for an event this weekend. While on my way to open the shades in the loft thinking a little sunshine just might turn this day around; I find a shredded roll of toilet paper in my path, compliments again of the 50 lb puppy. Breathe in, breathe out... "Bad dog. No, no. Not okay." The glass door won't budge to let us out of the house, but I do get Colette to the bus stop in time, sigh. I come home to feed Auden breakfast and sit down for a cup of tea thinking it can only get better. I go up stairs to fetch something and find a new roll of shredded toilet paper blocking the stairs. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not-okay stuff. Breathe in, breathe out... Auden is hungry again so the second round of breakfast begins. Upstairs agin to fetch something and by the time I come down a third roll of toilet paper is shredded in the family room! Bad things happen in three's?! This is getting ridiculous, but again I think it can only get better. It's time to get going to my yoga class so I hussle Auden into the car, but the car won't start. Perhpas I don't have the clutch in... I try again and it starts. The gas light is bright and the engine light is blinking. I think that can't be right. But it is more true than I'd like to admit. The car starts to shake so I turn it off. I don't think I have enough gas to make it to the gas station let alone yoga. So I call my knight in shining armour. "Well, you'll need a funnel to get the lawnmower gas into the tank." Direct, that works for me. "But we don't have a funnel, so what are you going to do?" If I knew would I be calling?! "I'm going into a seminar now. Who's around there to help you out?" No one. It's Wednesday and everyone has preschool this morning. "I'll skip the seminar. No, I'll move my lunch and come home to help you then. What time does Auden go to preschool?" Aren't there two parents who know what their kids do? I suppose beggars can't be choser, but... Back into the house because I'll take my shower now that I don't have yoga. I come down stairs to find a third roll of toilet paper shreded in the family room. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! "He' taking it from Colette's shelf, Mommy," says Auden innocently enough. Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not- okay routine. What a day and it's only 9:15 a.m. And here comes Auden with two gummi bears, "This will help, Momma." Now I feel even worse because I think I've taught my kid that food can solve your problems!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Love & Marriage
You know you're getting older when you prefer to listen to NPR instead of all that garbage on the radio. I heard this very funny (and insightful) commentary on marriage earlier this week and thought you might like it too.
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=18751687&m=18751628
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=18751687&m=18751628
Thursday, February 7, 2008
I Know What You Did Last Night!
WHY I LOVE MOM
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger, and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk, wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish then made sure the doors were locked and the front porch light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 Most Important Things To Do List. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, "I'm going to bed."
And he did...without another thought.
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger, and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk, wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish then made sure the doors were locked and the front porch light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 Most Important Things To Do List. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, "I'm going to bed."
And he did...without another thought.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Deja vu
So I called Scott on the way home from work this evening and said, "Let's meet for dinner on the way home." Cassie was sleeping in the back and it seemed like it might actually work. Most of the time when we're out Cassie turns on the charm and we end up with people stopping by to talk to her or servers playing peek-a-boo with her. Not tonight! She was in rare form and not in the mood to be out with mommy and daddy during meal time. As she's screaming at the top of her lungs her disapproval of the entire evenings activities and throwing Cheerios on the floor, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the people sitting behind us are three college age boys and a girl eating pasta and trying not to seem bothered by our out-of-control child. And I have a flash back - Geez time goes fast. Wasn't that just me thinking, "Those parents really need to get that kid under control. There are other people trying to eat here. My kids will not act like that in a restaurant." I don't know about you, but I still kind of feel like that same college age kid inside and sometimes I can't even believe that it's me schleeping the diaper bag and high chair cover and sippy cup and snack bag with me every were I go. Sometimes it feels like an out of body experience being a mother. Do you ever feel prepared or is this how the next, well, rest of my life is going to feel like?
So how did staying at home get so incredibly hard? I enjoyed being a working mom. I felt my superhuman strength emerge each morning when I would rise before the sun to workout or take a shower in peace. My super powers included; but weren't limited to, human regeneration (birthing two wonderful human beings), multitasking (driving and singing Raffi at the same time or writing sub plans while holding a vomiting child), linguist (knowing when to talk like an adult and when to speak kid), and flexibility (keeping the household organized, time management, knowing when to wear what hat depending on where I was and who I was with, etc). I knew I could do it all. I was invincible.
Then one day it seemed the world was falling apart. We all know: when it rains, it pours. There were health issues for the kids and extended family, there were needs at Colette's school that weren't being met, there were demanding classroom parents and their wayward children, and we can't forget potty training.
So I admitted I was stressed and tried some "rejuvenating" activities like scrapbooking - that was all about the kids, or reading - that was all about work or the kids, or taking a class or two - that was all about work, or working out - I was so tired of getting up at 4:30 everyday before I full day of teaching but couldn't scream. So was any of this helping me? I was still stressed. As you can see nothing was really about rejuvenating the spirit from within myself.
Nobody hands you book of instructions when you leave the hospital with your bundle of joy - not even the second time! And advice is usually given without asking thus adding to a mom's stress. I have had to really consider what's important in this lifetime amd make adjustments that aren't always easy. And I've had to continue to make readjustments sometimes putting things back where I had started from.
Being a mom is tough whether you're working or not because YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING! Hang in there mommies of the world. This job is probably the most important and underpaid, but it will be the most rewarding of your life. Celebrate the little things and remember to smell the roses even when those roses are the poop your little one hasn't been able to get out for the past week - Colette's health issue!
-
Then one day it seemed the world was falling apart. We all know: when it rains, it pours. There were health issues for the kids and extended family, there were needs at Colette's school that weren't being met, there were demanding classroom parents and their wayward children, and we can't forget potty training.
So I admitted I was stressed and tried some "rejuvenating" activities like scrapbooking - that was all about the kids, or reading - that was all about work or the kids, or taking a class or two - that was all about work, or working out - I was so tired of getting up at 4:30 everyday before I full day of teaching but couldn't scream. So was any of this helping me? I was still stressed. As you can see nothing was really about rejuvenating the spirit from within myself.
Nobody hands you book of instructions when you leave the hospital with your bundle of joy - not even the second time! And advice is usually given without asking thus adding to a mom's stress. I have had to really consider what's important in this lifetime amd make adjustments that aren't always easy. And I've had to continue to make readjustments sometimes putting things back where I had started from.
Being a mom is tough whether you're working or not because YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING! Hang in there mommies of the world. This job is probably the most important and underpaid, but it will be the most rewarding of your life. Celebrate the little things and remember to smell the roses even when those roses are the poop your little one hasn't been able to get out for the past week - Colette's health issue!
-
Monday, February 4, 2008
Birds of a Feather Flock Together
For all of you out there who want to write on the blog, but feel intimidated. I was recently sent this email by a good friend:
Hi Shawna,
I would like to contribute. I had to give this some thought, because after reading all of your blog entries--I thought to myself--"I can't write like this". I have problems in that department. But most of all the entries impacted me, because I can relate. So if you all accept my grammar errors and my unorganized thoughts--I would love to contribute. I really think I need something like this right now--I don't have a lot of friends with children and some of my single friends--well have a hard time relating--and then others are having some issues with themselves because they are not married and me having kids is making depressed (???). I don't know if you have experience this Shawna, but anyway the bottom line is that I think this support for mothers is a brilliant idea. Thanks.
Here's my response:
We love you exactly how you are...it doesn't have to be perfect...the point is exactly how you stated it...we mothers need each other...especially us first time ones. I don't know about you, but there are many times when I feel like I have no idea if my feelings are normal or I'm in need of professional help. What I've learned from the times that I've shared my craziness is that 9 out of 10 times I'm still in the range of normal. I can also totally relate to the friends with no kids/crisis about being somehow behind. Before Cassie, I was definitely the first and it has only been since having Cassie that I've realized that it's just something that is hard to relate to until you've had children...but I didn't get that back then and I think some of my friends must have thought I was really unsupportive at times. I've come to realize that it's just the ebb and flow of friendship and the really true ones weather the push and shove of these uneven life changes. As a woman, I need the companionship of other women (I think that's part of how God made us) and that is even more so since I became a mom - that's why I started the blog - because I needed to be around other moms, and in this day and age, they don't always live next door or even in the same town most of the time. Anyhow, share - I know I need it.
Lots of love - Shawna
Hi Shawna,
I would like to contribute. I had to give this some thought, because after reading all of your blog entries--I thought to myself--"I can't write like this". I have problems in that department. But most of all the entries impacted me, because I can relate. So if you all accept my grammar errors and my unorganized thoughts--I would love to contribute. I really think I need something like this right now--I don't have a lot of friends with children and some of my single friends--well have a hard time relating--and then others are having some issues with themselves because they are not married and me having kids is making depressed (???). I don't know if you have experience this Shawna, but anyway the bottom line is that I think this support for mothers is a brilliant idea. Thanks.
Here's my response:
We love you exactly how you are...it doesn't have to be perfect...the point is exactly how you stated it...we mothers need each other...especially us first time ones. I don't know about you, but there are many times when I feel like I have no idea if my feelings are normal or I'm in need of professional help. What I've learned from the times that I've shared my craziness is that 9 out of 10 times I'm still in the range of normal. I can also totally relate to the friends with no kids/crisis about being somehow behind. Before Cassie, I was definitely the first and it has only been since having Cassie that I've realized that it's just something that is hard to relate to until you've had children...but I didn't get that back then and I think some of my friends must have thought I was really unsupportive at times. I've come to realize that it's just the ebb and flow of friendship and the really true ones weather the push and shove of these uneven life changes. As a woman, I need the companionship of other women (I think that's part of how God made us) and that is even more so since I became a mom - that's why I started the blog - because I needed to be around other moms, and in this day and age, they don't always live next door or even in the same town most of the time. Anyhow, share - I know I need it.
Lots of love - Shawna
P.S. If you don't feel like writing, just post a picture of your kid(s) or share a good resource such as a website or recipe your kid(s) love.
The grass isn't always greener
I have a new year's resolution to write something - whether it be as simple as a "to-do" list or as painful as a chapter for a novel - every day. I've been wanting to blog for a couple months now, but really should have started this when I "retired" from teaching to stay home with the kids.
I have two beautiful, strong, smart kiddos. I'm not a working mom any more, but boy do I work harder now then I did when I was teaching and running the house! I started staying home in June of 2006. I had always thought how nice it would be to be able to stay home, feeling financially stable, catch up on all my projects that fall to the wayside... Are you laughing out loud yet?!
Let me tell you about the first week I was a SHM. I cleaned and organized the entire 3200 square feet of the house I'd like to be a sactuary - a place of retreat and love. I was put on a budget because sacrifices had to be made. And my to do list was completed in a week. My oldest was still in school for two weeks and my youngest was home wondering what we would do next - the zoo, the library, the pool, some other adventure not yet planned? So week two of retirement came and I cleaned the house again, but this time in one day. I was pretty proud of myself until I realized that was going to be the rest of my time at home.
So I set up a schedule. My teaching days were full of schedules so it's a system that worked well for me. Funnily enough though I never had either of my babies on a schedule when they were infants. Instead of cleaning the whole house every day, I scheduled one room per day and an outing or project for the kids and me. We had a great time for 3 weeks and then my oldest went back to school. Now I had Auden all to myself again.
His third birthday was coming up in a few weeks and he wasn't quite potty trained yet. So I set a goal that we would have that completed by his birthday. You're laughing again, aren't you? We did pretty good with the peeing, but pooping was inconsistent. And yet another wrench was thrown into the gears - he wouldn't get dressed. He only wore underwear (Or was naked. I have lots of naked pictures of him that summer) up until Fall arrived and then he'd just wear his jammies! (I have lots of pictures of this too) How could there be problems in paradise?! I was a SHM! Things were supposed to be grand! I was in complete control! If you're not laughing yet you should be. If I only knew then what I know now... So, the grass isn't always greener, but the view is educational.
I have two beautiful, strong, smart kiddos. I'm not a working mom any more, but boy do I work harder now then I did when I was teaching and running the house! I started staying home in June of 2006. I had always thought how nice it would be to be able to stay home, feeling financially stable, catch up on all my projects that fall to the wayside... Are you laughing out loud yet?!
Let me tell you about the first week I was a SHM. I cleaned and organized the entire 3200 square feet of the house I'd like to be a sactuary - a place of retreat and love. I was put on a budget because sacrifices had to be made. And my to do list was completed in a week. My oldest was still in school for two weeks and my youngest was home wondering what we would do next - the zoo, the library, the pool, some other adventure not yet planned? So week two of retirement came and I cleaned the house again, but this time in one day. I was pretty proud of myself until I realized that was going to be the rest of my time at home.
So I set up a schedule. My teaching days were full of schedules so it's a system that worked well for me. Funnily enough though I never had either of my babies on a schedule when they were infants. Instead of cleaning the whole house every day, I scheduled one room per day and an outing or project for the kids and me. We had a great time for 3 weeks and then my oldest went back to school. Now I had Auden all to myself again.
His third birthday was coming up in a few weeks and he wasn't quite potty trained yet. So I set a goal that we would have that completed by his birthday. You're laughing again, aren't you? We did pretty good with the peeing, but pooping was inconsistent. And yet another wrench was thrown into the gears - he wouldn't get dressed. He only wore underwear (Or was naked. I have lots of naked pictures of him that summer) up until Fall arrived and then he'd just wear his jammies! (I have lots of pictures of this too) How could there be problems in paradise?! I was a SHM! Things were supposed to be grand! I was in complete control! If you're not laughing yet you should be. If I only knew then what I know now... So, the grass isn't always greener, but the view is educational.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Back from the Dead
I know that the title seems a little dramatic, but it is actually more true than not when I look back over the past few months. I have been MIA because I have been totally overwhelmed by my life - work, the holidays, husband, baby, sick baby, sick husband, sick me. It's just been more than I could handle, to tell you the truth.
But this past weekend, my sisters, mom, my best friend and her sister and mother all attended an event called Mom's Day Out in Southern California put on by an organization called Hearts at Home. I was very skeptical when my sister sent me the information. My cynicism got me thinking it was going to be some over-the-top Christian revival that put working moms in the same category as a terroist. I even sent them a snippy email asking if they were going to try and talk me into quitting my job and staying home. What do you think, am I a little strung out???
I can honestly say that it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. As a result, I honestly feel, probably since I first found out that I was pregnant, that I found a piece of myself again. Like I said, I know that sounds dramatic, and it wasn't that this conference mainfested a miracle right here in Corona, but the whole day was spent reminding me that I am not alone on this motherhood rollercoaster ride. All week I have been on a "retreat high" Who knew a day away, first learning about myself as wife and mother, followed by a fun afternoon of wine tasting, dinner out, and a movie (I can't tell you the last time I was in a theatre) with some really special women in my life could have such an enormous impact on me. That day away taught me how important it is to refuel myself, and my mom, sisters and friends all said the same thing. In fact, my best friend, Niki, told me it's the only reason her husband is still alive this week. She said this as she was packing up for a family skiing trip as he was out hunting for snow chains at 9:00pm the night before they were leaving.
Cassie's almost 11 months old now and it has got me thinking over the last year. I'm amazed by her. She is my hearts joy. She is my biggest challenge. What a ride...and to think it has only just begun.
But this past weekend, my sisters, mom, my best friend and her sister and mother all attended an event called Mom's Day Out in Southern California put on by an organization called Hearts at Home. I was very skeptical when my sister sent me the information. My cynicism got me thinking it was going to be some over-the-top Christian revival that put working moms in the same category as a terroist. I even sent them a snippy email asking if they were going to try and talk me into quitting my job and staying home. What do you think, am I a little strung out???
I can honestly say that it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. As a result, I honestly feel, probably since I first found out that I was pregnant, that I found a piece of myself again. Like I said, I know that sounds dramatic, and it wasn't that this conference mainfested a miracle right here in Corona, but the whole day was spent reminding me that I am not alone on this motherhood rollercoaster ride. All week I have been on a "retreat high" Who knew a day away, first learning about myself as wife and mother, followed by a fun afternoon of wine tasting, dinner out, and a movie (I can't tell you the last time I was in a theatre) with some really special women in my life could have such an enormous impact on me. That day away taught me how important it is to refuel myself, and my mom, sisters and friends all said the same thing. In fact, my best friend, Niki, told me it's the only reason her husband is still alive this week. She said this as she was packing up for a family skiing trip as he was out hunting for snow chains at 9:00pm the night before they were leaving.
Cassie's almost 11 months old now and it has got me thinking over the last year. I'm amazed by her. She is my hearts joy. She is my biggest challenge. What a ride...and to think it has only just begun.
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