Normal?!

So I thought I'd treat Auden to lunch out after story time and before preschool. Not a lot of time in between but I forgot to pack a lunch. So we head to Mickey D's. They have a play place too. So we order the happy meal with dippers and milk and a yogurt parfait and sit to begin lunch that gets many play breaks. Auden takes two bites and runs off, comes back, takes two more bites, and runs off again. Indigestion waiting to happen in my world but not his until he hits thirty or so.

I look up to see what he's up to only to find another kid pushing a hitting him. Auden doesn't want to take the abuse but knows how I am about him returning "eye for an eye" maneuvers. I politely tell the mother of the little girl - yep a girl - that her daughter is abusing my son. She heads straight for her kiddo to put a stop to it. Yea!

But wait not five minutes later she's doing it again pushing Auden down and getting her littler brother in on the action too. So now I'm up in the play place telling them to keep their hands to themselves. Auden comes down for two bites and all is well until a slew of new arrivals run in screaming at the top of their lungs.

Why is screaming okay? I get it if you're outside but we're not in this situation. This was the original question or thought for me, but then some of the new arrivals started pushing Auden around and throwing him into the poles. The other moms just watched! Is that because it wasn't their kid getting pushed around or is this normal?! I'm a bit outraged and because I don't which monster belongs to which oblivious woman, I step in - literally - between two kids and Auden. I explain that there is no need to touch anybody and asked if he'd like it if Auden was doing the pushing to him. The kid stood there and blew spit bubbles at me! Why are these behaviors okay? I tell you, I think it just makes it harder to parent. I'm so disappointed in the mothers that were there today and hope I set a better example without a "holier than thou" attitude.

Just needed to vent and knew this was the place.

When my friend Jenny sent me this email, I couldn't help but laugh (and then asked her if I could post it on the blog)!

Okay, well last night Teagan decided she did not want bangs anymore so instead of telling someone, she took matters (or rather scissors) into her own hands. The bangs are gonzo....nothing to hide that extra large cranium she has. She also took about 3 inches of hair off of the right side of her head (yes, only the right side) so that the hair on that side just barely brushes the bottom of her right ear lobe. Needless to say, the rest of the hair was 'trimmed' (to put it nicely...not so nicely would be chopped) to make the hair fall evenly around the rest of her head. Yay for my team. I imagine I will be spending some time in a Beauty Salon this weekend trying to make her look less friar-like.

I was warned

Did you ever have a day that God warned you not to get up out of bed? Today would be mine... The 50 lb. puppy jumped on my face to let me know it was time to play at 4:43 a.m. Colette let me know I'm behind in laundry and she'll have to wear her sweat pants instead of jeans. Rich needs shirts taken to the cleaners so he has something to wear for an event this weekend. While on my way to open the shades in the loft thinking a little sunshine just might turn this day around; I find a shredded roll of toilet paper in my path, compliments again of the 50 lb puppy. Breathe in, breathe out... "Bad dog. No, no. Not okay." The glass door won't budge to let us out of the house, but I do get Colette to the bus stop in time, sigh. I come home to feed Auden breakfast and sit down for a cup of tea thinking it can only get better. I go up stairs to fetch something and find a new roll of shredded toilet paper blocking the stairs. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not-okay stuff. Breathe in, breathe out... Auden is hungry again so the second round of breakfast begins. Upstairs agin to fetch something and by the time I come down a third roll of toilet paper is shredded in the family room! Bad things happen in three's?! This is getting ridiculous, but again I think it can only get better. It's time to get going to my yoga class so I hussle Auden into the car, but the car won't start. Perhpas I don't have the clutch in... I try again and it starts. The gas light is bright and the engine light is blinking. I think that can't be right. But it is more true than I'd like to admit. The car starts to shake so I turn it off. I don't think I have enough gas to make it to the gas station let alone yoga. So I call my knight in shining armour. "Well, you'll need a funnel to get the lawnmower gas into the tank." Direct, that works for me. "But we don't have a funnel, so what are you going to do?" If I knew would I be calling?! "I'm going into a seminar now. Who's around there to help you out?" No one. It's Wednesday and everyone has preschool this morning. "I'll skip the seminar. No, I'll move my lunch and come home to help you then. What time does Auden go to preschool?" Aren't there two parents who know what their kids do? I suppose beggars can't be choser, but... Back into the house because I'll take my shower now that I don't have yoga. I come down stairs to find a third roll of toilet paper shreded in the family room. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! "He' taking it from Colette's shelf, Mommy," says Auden innocently enough. Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not- okay routine. What a day and it's only 9:15 a.m. And here comes Auden with two gummi bears, "This will help, Momma." Now I feel even worse because I think I've taught my kid that food can solve your problems!

Yeah Cassie!!

Love & Marriage

You know you're getting older when you prefer to listen to NPR instead of all that garbage on the radio. I heard this very funny (and insightful) commentary on marriage earlier this week and thought you might like it too.

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=18751687&m=18751628

I Know What You Did Last Night!

WHY I LOVE MOM
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger, and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk, wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish then made sure the doors were locked and the front porch light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 Most Important Things To Do List. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, "I'm going to bed."
And he did...without another thought.

Deja vu

So I called Scott on the way home from work this evening and said, "Let's meet for dinner on the way home." Cassie was sleeping in the back and it seemed like it might actually work. Most of the time when we're out Cassie turns on the charm and we end up with people stopping by to talk to her or servers playing peek-a-boo with her. Not tonight! She was in rare form and not in the mood to be out with mommy and daddy during meal time. As she's screaming at the top of her lungs her disapproval of the entire evenings activities and throwing Cheerios on the floor, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the people sitting behind us are three college age boys and a girl eating pasta and trying not to seem bothered by our out-of-control child. And I have a flash back - Geez time goes fast. Wasn't that just me thinking, "Those parents really need to get that kid under control. There are other people trying to eat here. My kids will not act like that in a restaurant." I don't know about you, but I still kind of feel like that same college age kid inside and sometimes I can't even believe that it's me schleeping the diaper bag and high chair cover and sippy cup and snack bag with me every were I go. Sometimes it feels like an out of body experience being a mother. Do you ever feel prepared or is this how the next, well, rest of my life is going to feel like?

So how did staying at home get so incredibly hard? I enjoyed being a working mom. I felt my superhuman strength emerge each morning when I would rise before the sun to workout or take a shower in peace. My super powers included; but weren't limited to, human regeneration (birthing two wonderful human beings), multitasking (driving and singing Raffi at the same time or writing sub plans while holding a vomiting child), linguist (knowing when to talk like an adult and when to speak kid), and flexibility (keeping the household organized, time management, knowing when to wear what hat depending on where I was and who I was with, etc). I knew I could do it all. I was invincible.

Then one day it seemed the world was falling apart. We all know: when it rains, it pours. There were health issues for the kids and extended family, there were needs at Colette's school that weren't being met, there were demanding classroom parents and their wayward children, and we can't forget potty training.

So I admitted I was stressed and tried some "rejuvenating" activities like scrapbooking - that was all about the kids, or reading - that was all about work or the kids, or taking a class or two - that was all about work, or working out - I was so tired of getting up at 4:30 everyday before I full day of teaching but couldn't scream. So was any of this helping me? I was still stressed. As you can see nothing was really about rejuvenating the spirit from within myself.

Nobody hands you book of instructions when you leave the hospital with your bundle of joy - not even the second time! And advice is usually given without asking thus adding to a mom's stress. I have had to really consider what's important in this lifetime amd make adjustments that aren't always easy. And I've had to continue to make readjustments sometimes putting things back where I had started from.

Being a mom is tough whether you're working or not because YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING! Hang in there mommies of the world. This job is probably the most important and underpaid, but it will be the most rewarding of your life. Celebrate the little things and remember to smell the roses even when those roses are the poop your little one hasn't been able to get out for the past week - Colette's health issue!
-

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

For all of you out there who want to write on the blog, but feel intimidated. I was recently sent this email by a good friend:

Hi Shawna,
I would like to contribute. I had to give this some thought, because after reading all of your blog entries--I thought to myself--"I can't write like this". I have problems in that department. But most of all the entries impacted me, because I can relate. So if you all accept my grammar errors and my unorganized thoughts--I would love to contribute. I really think I need something like this right now--I don't have a lot of friends with children and some of my single friends--well have a hard time relating--and then others are having some issues with themselves because they are not married and me having kids is making depressed (???). I don't know if you have experience this Shawna, but anyway the bottom line is that I think this support for mothers is a brilliant idea. Thanks.

Here's my response:

We love you exactly how you are...it doesn't have to be perfect...the point is exactly how you stated it...we mothers need each other...especially us first time ones. I don't know about you, but there are many times when I feel like I have no idea if my feelings are normal or I'm in need of professional help. What I've learned from the times that I've shared my craziness is that 9 out of 10 times I'm still in the range of normal. I can also totally relate to the friends with no kids/crisis about being somehow behind. Before Cassie, I was definitely the first and it has only been since having Cassie that I've realized that it's just something that is hard to relate to until you've had children...but I didn't get that back then and I think some of my friends must have thought I was really unsupportive at times. I've come to realize that it's just the ebb and flow of friendship and the really true ones weather the push and shove of these uneven life changes. As a woman, I need the companionship of other women (I think that's part of how God made us) and that is even more so since I became a mom - that's why I started the blog - because I needed to be around other moms, and in this day and age, they don't always live next door or even in the same town most of the time. Anyhow, share - I know I need it.
Lots of love - Shawna

P.S. If you don't feel like writing, just post a picture of your kid(s) or share a good resource such as a website or recipe your kid(s) love.

The grass isn't always greener

I have a new year's resolution to write something - whether it be as simple as a "to-do" list or as painful as a chapter for a novel - every day. I've been wanting to blog for a couple months now, but really should have started this when I "retired" from teaching to stay home with the kids.

I have two beautiful, strong, smart kiddos. I'm not a working mom any more, but boy do I work harder now then I did when I was teaching and running the house! I started staying home in June of 2006. I had always thought how nice it would be to be able to stay home, feeling financially stable, catch up on all my projects that fall to the wayside... Are you laughing out loud yet?!

Let me tell you about the first week I was a SHM. I cleaned and organized the entire 3200 square feet of the house I'd like to be a sactuary - a place of retreat and love. I was put on a budget because sacrifices had to be made. And my to do list was completed in a week. My oldest was still in school for two weeks and my youngest was home wondering what we would do next - the zoo, the library, the pool, some other adventure not yet planned? So week two of retirement came and I cleaned the house again, but this time in one day. I was pretty proud of myself until I realized that was going to be the rest of my time at home.

So I set up a schedule. My teaching days were full of schedules so it's a system that worked well for me. Funnily enough though I never had either of my babies on a schedule when they were infants. Instead of cleaning the whole house every day, I scheduled one room per day and an outing or project for the kids and me. We had a great time for 3 weeks and then my oldest went back to school. Now I had Auden all to myself again.

His third birthday was coming up in a few weeks and he wasn't quite potty trained yet. So I set a goal that we would have that completed by his birthday. You're laughing again, aren't you? We did pretty good with the peeing, but pooping was inconsistent. And yet another wrench was thrown into the gears - he wouldn't get dressed. He only wore underwear (Or was naked. I have lots of naked pictures of him that summer) up until Fall arrived and then he'd just wear his jammies! (I have lots of pictures of this too) How could there be problems in paradise?! I was a SHM! Things were supposed to be grand! I was in complete control! If you're not laughing yet you should be. If I only knew then what I know now... So, the grass isn't always greener, but the view is educational.

Back from the Dead

I know that the title seems a little dramatic, but it is actually more true than not when I look back over the past few months. I have been MIA because I have been totally overwhelmed by my life - work, the holidays, husband, baby, sick baby, sick husband, sick me. It's just been more than I could handle, to tell you the truth.
But this past weekend, my sisters, mom, my best friend and her sister and mother all attended an event called Mom's Day Out in Southern California put on by an organization called Hearts at Home. I was very skeptical when my sister sent me the information. My cynicism got me thinking it was going to be some over-the-top Christian revival that put working moms in the same category as a terroist. I even sent them a snippy email asking if they were going to try and talk me into quitting my job and staying home. What do you think, am I a little strung out???
I can honestly say that it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. As a result, I honestly feel, probably since I first found out that I was pregnant, that I found a piece of myself again. Like I said, I know that sounds dramatic, and it wasn't that this conference mainfested a miracle right here in Corona, but the whole day was spent reminding me that I am not alone on this motherhood rollercoaster ride. All week I have been on a "retreat high" Who knew a day away, first learning about myself as wife and mother, followed by a fun afternoon of wine tasting, dinner out, and a movie (I can't tell you the last time I was in a theatre) with some really special women in my life could have such an enormous impact on me. That day away taught me how important it is to refuel myself, and my mom, sisters and friends all said the same thing. In fact, my best friend, Niki, told me it's the only reason her husband is still alive this week. She said this as she was packing up for a family skiing trip as he was out hunting for snow chains at 9:00pm the night before they were leaving.
Cassie's almost 11 months old now and it has got me thinking over the last year. I'm amazed by her. She is my hearts joy. She is my biggest challenge. What a ride...and to think it has only just begun.