Childhood revisited

Here I go again... Colette (8 1/2 yo) has been coming home for the past few weeks (Wednesdays thru Fridays) "sharing" about friends. Their treating each other badly, poorly, disrespectfully, you pick the adjective. It only seems to come up the end of the school week. Obviously temperments have come to the lower thresholds... Anyway, I've been playing devil's advocate and trying to get her to see the other side without sharing too much of what I do know about the kids' home life. But the last two days I just have gotten frustrated and asking myself, "Why can't she see they're being so mean? Why can't she stand up for herself? What is so attractive about these girls that she needs them? Why is she still hanging out with them?" I see my childhood all over again through these talks Colette and I are sharing. Don't misunderstand - I am SO glad she's talking to me.

This morning before the bus pick up she's sharing again (timing isn't her thing just yet) about yesterday at recess. It was a Thursday so the girls fell into the trend they had set. To make the situation even worse they're all signed up for the talent show together. I asked her to drop out of the talent show. Yes, that's avoidance. But does she really need this nonsense in her life?! She looked disappointed - of course - so I said, "I want you to surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you," and used Rich and myself as examples I believed she could relate to. I first used my treasurer position in PTO. I don't hang out with the other board members. They're great volunteers but - well, let's leave it at that. I don't teach in the building I retired from because the principal and I didn't see issues the same way regarding best practices and such. I shared that Rich surrounds himself with employees that work well together and have their eye on the same prize. But I still hadn't made my point because she still "needed" those girls! So I came up with - "Colette, you are CEO and president of Colette Terese Martinez Inc. " She smiled. She liked that so I kept going. "You need to hire people that make you feel good and make you shine. Who are you going to hire?" She stopped to think and looked lost. So I offered "applicants". Some people she answered yes to with immediancy and others she gave a maybe or a no. This was working! The girls we were just talking about were maybe's or no's.

I was suddenly reminded of a time I was 7 and there was a new girl in the class. She had what we all thought was a rabbit fur coat and thought she was soooooo cool. One day she talked me into going home with her and I did. I didn't call home and came home waaaaay later than school let out. My mother, of course, was in a panic and I was grounded for a period of time, but I still liked that girl and would fall in line with ideas she had - we were in girl scouts together, talent show, slumber parties... I shared the playdate story with Colette. Her eyes got really big, "You did?!" I admitted it along with other ideas Lara came up with at slumber parties. "Should I have hired her, Colette?" "No, Mom. Grammie must have been really worried." I think I made my point.

Lesson = perhaps we shouldn't "curse" our children by saying we hope the have kids just like them when we're mad, frustrated, put out, pick the adjective.

It's Hard Not to Think that Parents Don't Care Anymore

Scott and I were at this Catholic conference this weekend. I know that sounds like a real snore, but it really wasn't. We've been to this thing before and this was the first time as parents which meant we were signed up for all the parenting focused workshops. It was actually really wonderful to do something like that together (i.e. working on being better parents together). Anyhow, one of the speakers, Dr. David Walsh, a psychologist who specializes in child and teen development and how the media plays a role in it, was especially great. He recently wrote a book called No. Why Kids-of All Ages-Need It and Ways Parents Can Say It. (http://www.mediafamily.org/store/no.shtml) that talks about the link between school/career success and self discipline...which or course we learn from how we are raised. I think I've had this attitude that some parents just don't care about teaching their children manners or appropriate behavior (and I know that some of them don't), but I came to the realization that parents are so darn scared of messing up that they don't do anything. I have a greater appreciation for how much effort and dedication it takes to be a vigilant parent about these sorts of things. Which, of course, is no excuse for those moms sitting around allowing their children to treat others with disrespect. God, help us!!
Anyway, I don't know what to say to make it better, Staci, except that you are an amazing mom raising the type of children who are going to grow up and make the world a different and better place for the next generation. You know, you've got to feel sorry for those other children whose parents think that discipline and consideration towards others aren't important enough to teach them - like good character just develops in a person like magic.
So I just wanted to say...vent all you want! You're doing a great job mom!