Blog Lust

Is it wrong to love this blog? I mean, pemom makes me crack up with her stories. Earlier this week, Scott and I happened to be out to dinner with friends of ours who have a 15 month old son and she referred to something that I wrote on the blog. I tried not to act too excited, but it just about made my day to know that people actually read this peridocially.


I laughed when I read the last post by pemom because I happened to see her and the rest of the family at Target yesterday. I was on the phone with Scott at the time. I should say that I was on the phone and fighting with Scott. In fact, her eldest son walked right past me and waved as I was "talking" to Scott about how ridiculous I thought he was being over the items that were on the list. It's nice when the whole neighborhood knows what's going on because you've lost your mind in Target. Anyway, I'm over it...can't you tell?!

I spent my first night away from Cassie this past weekend when I flew to CO to attend my brother's wedding. Traveling took on a whole new dimension. I haven't developed a fear of flying, but I did realize just how differently I look at situation that I never thought twice about before. For instance, I was acutely aware that I didn't want anything to go wrong with the flight for fear that Cassie would grow up without her mommy. I realized in that moment we were taking off how much I worry about her. Like I've never worried before. I realized how much I want to be there for her when she needs me or even when she doesn't realize she needs me, how much I want to help her grow into a compassionate, self-confident young woman, and how I want to shield her from unnecessary hurt or pain or suffering. Ironically, I happened to be sitting next to a woman who lost her baby boy during childbirth a couple of years earlier. My gut tied up in knots. She asked if I wanted to see a picture of him and she showed my a little baby boy, ashen, swaddled up in a blanket and almost looking like he was alive.

It's amazing how much you begin to understand your own mother and all the wishes and dreams she carried around (and still does whether she is here with you or watching over you from beyond) for you since the day you were born. It's a powerful bond and one only other mothers can understand. I realize as I'm writing this that I haven't even told my husband this. I'm not sure he would fully understand what I'm talking about, although, I do believe that he is probably moved by some similar feeling from a father's perspective.

Earlier this week, a girlfriend of mine shared with me that she's pregnant with her second baby. Her first one is a little boy and she adores him. I asked her if she had a preference for the sex of this next baby and we got into this wonderful conversation about mothers and sons and mothers and daugthers. She really longs to have a daughter - to build the kind of relationship with that she shares with her own mother and I can absolutely relate to this feeling. It is what washed over me when we found out Cassie was a girl. I immediately thought about all the special things I share with my mom and how someday I hoped to share those with my own daughter. We laughed when I mentioned that some day her son would meet a woman and leave her...she said not to remind her. Do our kids really know how deeply we love them? You know the funny thing is it really doesn't matter.