I was warned

Did you ever have a day that God warned you not to get up out of bed? Today would be mine... The 50 lb. puppy jumped on my face to let me know it was time to play at 4:43 a.m. Colette let me know I'm behind in laundry and she'll have to wear her sweat pants instead of jeans. Rich needs shirts taken to the cleaners so he has something to wear for an event this weekend. While on my way to open the shades in the loft thinking a little sunshine just might turn this day around; I find a shredded roll of toilet paper in my path, compliments again of the 50 lb puppy. Breathe in, breathe out... "Bad dog. No, no. Not okay." The glass door won't budge to let us out of the house, but I do get Colette to the bus stop in time, sigh. I come home to feed Auden breakfast and sit down for a cup of tea thinking it can only get better. I go up stairs to fetch something and find a new roll of shredded toilet paper blocking the stairs. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not-okay stuff. Breathe in, breathe out... Auden is hungry again so the second round of breakfast begins. Upstairs agin to fetch something and by the time I come down a third roll of toilet paper is shredded in the family room! Bad things happen in three's?! This is getting ridiculous, but again I think it can only get better. It's time to get going to my yoga class so I hussle Auden into the car, but the car won't start. Perhpas I don't have the clutch in... I try again and it starts. The gas light is bright and the engine light is blinking. I think that can't be right. But it is more true than I'd like to admit. The car starts to shake so I turn it off. I don't think I have enough gas to make it to the gas station let alone yoga. So I call my knight in shining armour. "Well, you'll need a funnel to get the lawnmower gas into the tank." Direct, that works for me. "But we don't have a funnel, so what are you going to do?" If I knew would I be calling?! "I'm going into a seminar now. Who's around there to help you out?" No one. It's Wednesday and everyone has preschool this morning. "I'll skip the seminar. No, I'll move my lunch and come home to help you then. What time does Auden go to preschool?" Aren't there two parents who know what their kids do? I suppose beggars can't be choser, but... Back into the house because I'll take my shower now that I don't have yoga. I come down stairs to find a third roll of toilet paper shreded in the family room. Where is this dog getting the toilet paper from?! "He' taking it from Colette's shelf, Mommy," says Auden innocently enough. Again with the bad-dog-no-no-not- okay routine. What a day and it's only 9:15 a.m. And here comes Auden with two gummi bears, "This will help, Momma." Now I feel even worse because I think I've taught my kid that food can solve your problems!